Speed-dating

I guess for me life is about growth, and sometimes in order to grow, I have to leave my comfort zone and try different things. Anyway, that's what I was telling myself as I went to a speed-dating event in Leicester square, with a group of friends yesterday evening.

So anywayz, the format - ladies are seated at tables while the guys rotate their way around each ladies table. With 3 minutes allowed for each 'date'. At the end of each date, you mark your score-card accordingly, are you interested or not, or have you found a potential friend. The day after the event, it's up to you to enter your scores online and wait to see if you have a potential match.

Personally, I think the format's great. Shame about some of the guys! But, generally speaking, after much thought and consideration, I have come to realise that a relationship must be based on the 3-c's. And they are:

1) Chemistry
2) Compatibility
3) Communication

And one out of three ain't enough. Think about it in terms of friendship. The friends you have, are probably your friends because you have shared interests, common values and a similar outlook on life. And now think about the friends that didn't make it. More often than not friendships end because of a fundamental difference in attitudes. And it's the same in love isn't it? Those that didn't stand the test of time, didn't share your interests, have your values and weren't standing on the same vantage point as you. A successful relationship must be grounded in friendship in-order to have any chance of success.

So maybe, 3 minutes is all the time you need to gage whether you're compatible with someone or not. Compared to the time we often waste in relationships with people who never really make the grade, 3 minutes seems like a good investment.

Glee

People, are you watching Glee, on E4 and channel 4? And if not, why not? I haven't laughed so much in a long time. The show follows the fortunes of a group of near do-well-students in high school, who join the 'Glee' - performing arts club.

Their musical renditions, including salt n pepa's - push-it, are hilarious - believe me!!

In secondary school, I was Rachel Berry! The misfit - who boys liked, but didn't like to necessarily, openly admit it in public. Because, I too was a member of the performing arts club, and the history club, Oh and the RE and IT clubs too, come to think of it.

And although I was often the object of ridicule, because of my swattishness (is that a word?), school was definitely, the best time of my life. And I guess in some ways we're all trying to recreate those experiences we once had. Good TV.

Too young to settle down?

Just seen on MSN, that Lewis Hamilton, and his Pussycat doll, Nicole Scherzinger have split, after nearly two years together. Apparently because he said that at 25 he's too young to get married and have babies. While at 31, she's desperate to get married and start a family - soon, if not sooner.

I'm undecided about this, on the one-hand, I can understand Lewis's need to hedge his bets, and therefore his reluctance to commit too soon. But men often do this, 'Oh I'm too young to settle down' - only to end up later on, deeply regretting having let a perfectly good woman get away, because of their indecision, fear of commitment and unshakable belief, that life is greener on the other side.

But on the other, it's been reported that, Ms Scherzinger tried to use the-old emotional blackmail (which never works) - saying, marry me or it's over Lewis. To which he called her bluff. I think it's called stalemate in the game of Chess, when neither player is able to move. She's 31 and I'm sure she's pictured herself sauntering down the aisle once or twice. And if Lewis won't commit, and that's what she really wants, then split-up - they must.

And while age-gap relationships seem to be en-vogue at the moment, maybe they take a little bit more consideration than first thought.

Goodwill to all Men

It is particularly relevant at this time of year, when we celebrate the values of christmas. That we should be mindful of the ways in which our actions or non-actions effect others.

And it seems to be a sad fact of life that when you're a kind person, that kindness is often viewed by others as a sign of weakness, that they can exploit, look-down upon, or violate.

I never understood this, surely kindness should be admired and appreciated when it is encountered, and not be seen as a character flaw in that of the beholder. So, to those, who in 2009, chose to mock my sincerity and reject my charity, no hard feelings. Next year, to save me from tears, I'll give it to someone special.

And while making someone else feel bad, in order to make yourself feel good, may bring you temporary relief. It will be just that - temporary! Because it's universal law that we never really get-away with anything we do. Now that does give me peace of mind. Happy New Year.

Men are from Mars Women are from Venus

I've chosen to skim the love bibles, so you don't have to. Firstly, up for review is an oldie but-a-goldie. John Gray's international best seller 'Men are from Mars women are from Venus'.

The book, as suggested by the title, asserts the notion that men and women are as different as beings from other planets. And no amount of pleading on our parts will ever change this fact. This, suggests Gray, is a major reason why problems arise in relationships. Because men expect women to behave more like men, amd women expect men to behave more like women - impossible.

He argues that only when the sexes each acknowledge their differences, will life and relationships become easier and happier.

An example often used to illustrate these differences, is the different way in which men and women supposedly approach arguments. Apparently, during a disagreement with a man, a woman will want to talk about the issue (often till she's blue in the face), until a solution is found. Whereas a man, will often want to withdraw and not talk at all, because they are not as comfortable with discussing their emotions as women are.

Gray suggests that, when a woman wants to continuously communicate (because this is where she feels comfortable), and a man wishes to retreat into his cave. The worst thing she can do is follow him in, ask him what's wrong, and demand they talk. Because nothing at this point will get resolved. And I have observed, ah-hum, that some women in relationships feel as though they have the right to nag to get what they want. While men often use the excuse, that women are over-emotional, so as not to have to communicate at all.

Men are from Mars women are from Venus, is a timeless practical guide to help improve communication between men and women. And Gray is right to highlight that men and women often approach relationships differently. But these differences shouldn't be used to explain away the often extreme differences in expectations that men and women have.

One thing Gray fails to point-out is, that, if your lady keeps on demanding that you need to talk, or your man is more in his cave than out. Maybe you should both go back to your different planets and call it quits. Some things are just not worth arguing about. Good book.

Like a million dollars

After avoiding two attempts at emotional blackmail by men over the weekend. With one, choosing to be rude to me - because he couldn't get his own way. And the other, choosing to ignore me - because he couldn't get his own way.

I decided to try and rise above the negativity, and resurrect what was left of the weekend. So on Saturday night I met up with a friend of mine, whose a life-coach and motivational speaker. And I always know, that if my self-esteem needs a-little boost, he's at hand to give it to me. And before you raise that eyebrow in suspicion, it's purely platonic.

How great it is though, to have a person in your life who tells you how wonderful you are, whose never rude to you, and whose also brutally honest with you, telling it like it is - even when you don't want to hear that often painful truth. A true friend indeed, he always makes me feel like a million dollars.

Lesson Learned: My crown has already been made, I just have to remember to wear it... (Don't laugh).

A Vision of Love

When you're young there's a tendency to believe that everything will just fall into place. You'll get that amazing job, meet the right person, and go-on to live happily ever after, hmmm....

Then as you get older, and begin to realise that your life is not the stuff dreams are made of. It can suddenly dawn on you, that maybe not everyone get's to live the dream - now that can be a bitter pill to swallow.

In terms of relationships-then, should we lower our love expectations, so as not to be too disappointed if the 'one' doesn't show up? Or have they shown up already, but we failed to notice them, because they didn't look, or sound the way we imagined they would.

We all have a vision of love don't we. But if we stick rigidly to that vision, we could end-up excluding an endless sea of possibilities. Stiking to what-we-know, is easy, but does easy, equal growth?

That person could be him, or her. Older or younger, seperated or even have children. Life's complicated. So should we take a chance?

See picture, Gustav Klimt's 'The Kiss' 1907 - truly a vision of love if ever there was one.