Goodwill to all Men

It is particularly relevant at this time of year, when we celebrate the values of christmas. That we should be mindful of the ways in which our actions or non-actions effect others.

And it seems to be a sad fact of life that when you're a kind person, that kindness is often viewed by others as a sign of weakness, that they can exploit, look-down upon, or violate.

I never understood this, surely kindness should be admired and appreciated when it is encountered, and not be seen as a character flaw in that of the beholder. So, to those, who in 2009, chose to mock my sincerity and reject my charity, no hard feelings. Next year, to save me from tears, I'll give it to someone special.

And while making someone else feel bad, in order to make yourself feel good, may bring you temporary relief. It will be just that - temporary! Because it's universal law that we never really get-away with anything we do. Now that does give me peace of mind. Happy New Year.

Men are from Mars Women are from Venus

I've chosen to skim the love bibles, so you don't have to. Firstly, up for review is an oldie but-a-goldie. John Gray's international best seller 'Men are from Mars women are from Venus'.

The book, as suggested by the title, asserts the notion that men and women are as different as beings from other planets. And no amount of pleading on our parts will ever change this fact. This, suggests Gray, is a major reason why problems arise in relationships. Because men expect women to behave more like men, amd women expect men to behave more like women - impossible.

He argues that only when the sexes each acknowledge their differences, will life and relationships become easier and happier.

An example often used to illustrate these differences, is the different way in which men and women supposedly approach arguments. Apparently, during a disagreement with a man, a woman will want to talk about the issue (often till she's blue in the face), until a solution is found. Whereas a man, will often want to withdraw and not talk at all, because they are not as comfortable with discussing their emotions as women are.

Gray suggests that, when a woman wants to continuously communicate (because this is where she feels comfortable), and a man wishes to retreat into his cave. The worst thing she can do is follow him in, ask him what's wrong, and demand they talk. Because nothing at this point will get resolved. And I have observed, ah-hum, that some women in relationships feel as though they have the right to nag to get what they want. While men often use the excuse, that women are over-emotional, so as not to have to communicate at all.

Men are from Mars women are from Venus, is a timeless practical guide to help improve communication between men and women. And Gray is right to highlight that men and women often approach relationships differently. But these differences shouldn't be used to explain away the often extreme differences in expectations that men and women have.

One thing Gray fails to point-out is, that, if your lady keeps on demanding that you need to talk, or your man is more in his cave than out. Maybe you should both go back to your different planets and call it quits. Some things are just not worth arguing about. Good book.

Like a million dollars

After avoiding two attempts at emotional blackmail by men over the weekend. With one, choosing to be rude to me - because he couldn't get his own way. And the other, choosing to ignore me - because he couldn't get his own way.

I decided to try and rise above the negativity, and resurrect what was left of the weekend. So on Saturday night I met up with a friend of mine, whose a life-coach and motivational speaker. And I always know, that if my self-esteem needs a-little boost, he's at hand to give it to me. And before you raise that eyebrow in suspicion, it's purely platonic.

How great it is though, to have a person in your life who tells you how wonderful you are, whose never rude to you, and whose also brutally honest with you, telling it like it is - even when you don't want to hear that often painful truth. A true friend indeed, he always makes me feel like a million dollars.

Lesson Learned: My crown has already been made, I just have to remember to wear it... (Don't laugh).

A Vision of Love

When you're young there's a tendency to believe that everything will just fall into place. You'll get that amazing job, meet the right person, and go-on to live happily ever after, hmmm....

Then as you get older, and begin to realise that your life is not the stuff dreams are made of. It can suddenly dawn on you, that maybe not everyone get's to live the dream - now that can be a bitter pill to swallow.

In terms of relationships-then, should we lower our love expectations, so as not to be too disappointed if the 'one' doesn't show up? Or have they shown up already, but we failed to notice them, because they didn't look, or sound the way we imagined they would.

We all have a vision of love don't we. But if we stick rigidly to that vision, we could end-up excluding an endless sea of possibilities. Stiking to what-we-know, is easy, but does easy, equal growth?

That person could be him, or her. Older or younger, seperated or even have children. Life's complicated. So should we take a chance?

See picture, Gustav Klimt's 'The Kiss' 1907 - truly a vision of love if ever there was one.